Telling Our Story - Part 3

My childhood was pretty standard, at least until I started school.  Up until that point, Robert and Amanda were pretty much my only friends. We did everything together.  We didn't really have much of a choice.  We were products of the farm life.

In March of 1985, I had another brother, well at least for a little while. Sadly Michael Lee Giles died shortly after birth due to undeveloped lungs. I was barely 5 at this point, and had a slight ignorance as to the severity of the situation.  I remember it like this, "I got to ride in a Limo"  I had no clue at the time how bad my parents must have felt.  I feel like that is Gods way of helping people deal with hard situations.  Having my own kids now, I still can't even imagine. The pain must have been horrible.  I have been told by many people that my mom was never the same after that.

When I started school, I made a lot of friends. As I made these friendships I started to realize that what I thought was a normal life, wasn't actually that normal.  It was the little things like friends having friends over for sleep overs, or at least to play after school.  Little things that my kids now see as totally normal.  Also when I was at friends houses, I would notice that the way that their houses looked was different.  You see mom and dad would let me go to others houses, however we were never allowed to have anyone over to our house.  I was told a multitude of reasons why, however truth be known, it was because they were embarrassed because of the state of the house. Now before I explain, I want to let it be known that I love my parents, and nothing stated here is intended to hurt anyone.  However this is a major flaw in my childhood.  My mother is a Hoarder.  She has a hard time throwing anything away.  I for so long thought that this was normal, because what else did I have to compare it too.  I will not go into details to the extent of how bad it was, lets just say that it was really bad.

I can look back and see that this one problem, was what started the divide between me and my parents.  

I really think that bitterness crept into my heart. I have always been one to want to fit in. I have gone to extremes to get people to like me. It's something that I have been able to somewhat overcome, now knowing where I belong in Christ. However back then I just knew that it made me mad that my parents would not allow me to be normal. This drove a wedge between me and my parents.

In hindsight, I realize my fault in this. You see I was a very self-centered individual, and was for the better part of my life. I think that we are all born that way. It's in our nature to look out for number one. My mistake was not giving grace. Indeed my mother had a problem. That's not disputable. It was a problem that not only affected her, but the entire family. And seeing things through my young eyes all I could see was hatred for that issue, and in turn a hatred for her. Now don't get me wrong, I'm no psychopath, and it was all internal, but emotions are what they are. I couldn't help how I felt. I could however help how I reacted to them. Something that I have learned over the years is exactly that. We are who we are, and that is ok. God has made us all unique. We will be tested on a daily basis. There will be many trials, and its not these trials that define who we will become, however our reactions to them that will. We are, in our nature, geared to judge others. We base our judgement on the way that the world sees normal. The uncomfortable way, God way, to see things is through grace.

I can't think of a better example of how to do this than when Jesus was in the temple towards the end of his ministry on earth. The religious leaders were out to get him on something, and like any other time, an opportunity arose where they thought they were going to cause him to slip on the doctrine. They came across a woman that was caught in adultery, which was punishable by death then, and they asked Jesus what they should do, since the law stated death, they wanted to see if Jesus would contradict the law. His response was amazing. He said, "let he who was without sin, cast the first stone". What an amazing answer. First of all he totally dodged the snare they were trying to get him into, but he also gave them something to think about. Before you place judgement, you should first look at yourself. If you are faultless, which none of us are, then judging is ok. But we all have flaws, or I should say unique quirks, that make us flawed, not ruined, but flawed. Remember this, because I'm gonna show you how God uses this very lesson to teach me something later in my story.

I am kind of new to this whole tell your story thing. While I have been writing this there have been so many memories that are coming to the surface. Some are just that, memories, others are keys to understanding what I am all about. Obviously I am going to stick with those, because they are the ones that have an impact on the man I have become.